To quote the immortal Michael Buffer, who by the way has to have the greatest job on the planet – next to mine of course *ahem*…………..”Are you ready to rumble?!?!”
The seasons are upon us, folks, and the first saturday of college pigskin is in the books. After my better half pried me from the recliner last evening I started thinking…how can people (or computer systems for that matter) tell us who the better team is on any given Sunday? Isn’t that why we watch the games?
I documented the first big Saturday of the year and noted the highlights from the week in college football, the underachievers, the future stars and some funny names.
10:50am – I wake up from friday night’s re-donk-u-larity and still smell like baby wipes, hops and junior mints…don’t ask.
10:52am – Holy schnikes!! LSU/App St is on early due to the potential for Hurricane Gustav to manipulate the area causing evacuation. (on a serious note – Drafttek prayers are with you, Gulf of Mexico residents) and I am wondering if App State is going to slay another giant to lead off a season.
11:05am – bag of pretzels, the easy chair and a hair of the dog.
11:38am – Mystery solved.
11:40am – Yard work!!
12:00pm – Virginia Tech/ECU is on!!! “But honey, I might have to write about this tomorrow!” Enjoy the couch tonight, dear.”
I wanted to see a couple of things out of this game. I wanted to see who ECU would replace the BLAZING fast Chris Johnson with; he who was drafted in the first round by the Tennessee Titans in April. Looks like it’s running back by committee at ECU. Senior, Brandon Simmons and Sophomore, Jonathan Williams got it done yesterday but we’ll call it a push as far as future draft prospects. In the meantime, look out for 6 foot, 198 lb, sophomore WR, Dwayne Harris who caught 4 for 68 yards and ran the ball 3 times for 32 yards. I also wanted to see who VT would be installing in their linebacking corp and to see if RB, Kenny Lewis was ready to take the full load.
12:25pm - A scoring update shows me footage of what appears to be a cross between a gazzelle, a tiger, a bat and a rhinocerous, ALL wrapped in Bigfoot’s body, clad in red and white, sprinting into an endzone. I’m told it’s Ohio State Buckeye freshman sensation, Terrelle Pryor.
12:26pm – Basically, there’s little to report from the LB’s. Kenny Lewis looked tentative and did not show well as a receiver out of the backfield.
The real news in Blacksburg is that Sean Glennon is NOT the answer at QB for the Hokies. Not even close. 14/23, for 139 yards and two picks is not a line I want from a my starting QB of my number 17 ranked team in the country. Especially against the likes of ECU. Don’t get me wrong, ECU is a better team than many give them credit and plays defense…but please.
1:30pm – I go back and watch the Thursday night, South Carolina/NC State game. I watched the whole thing…mainly because I couldn’t believe how wretched NC State looked, but partly because I dropped the remote in the floor and couldn’t reach it. HEY! Don’t judge me! The dog was lazy too for not bringing it to me when I asked!
I initially considered that maybe this game was one of those anomaly games, like you just shouldn’t factor it into anything. One of those bizzarro, off-the-grid, games that should just be locked into the vault because neither team was worth the elastic their own jocks were made from. But then I realized that maybe, just maybe, the Gamecocks might be dangerous this year.
Scribble it down now, South Carolina’s defense is great. Not just good, great. Consider this…South Carolina QB’s tossed 4 picks (all by sophomore Tommy Beecher) and NOT ONE Gamecock Wide Receiver had 50 yards catching the ball, yet NC State didn’t score a point. Let me repeat…NC State got 4 turnovers and a pitiful day in the passing game from an uncharacteristic Spurrier team…and DIDN’T SCORE A POINT! Beware SEC. When Ryan Succop (pronounced SUCK-up…and no I’m not making that up…I couldn’t make up the fact that the kid hasn’t realized that you can legally change your name in this country) knocked through the last PAT, I realized that the Gamecocks are only a mediocre offense away from making serious noise in the SEC. Look out for Succop in the next couple drafts, too. He’s 6′3, 224 and is a heck of a kicker…even if he is a…you know what?…I’m gonna take the high road.
3:30pm – UVA/USC time! I heard an interesting bet on this game, and I heard it 3 months ago over happy hour beverages and beer nuts. A buddy of mine, a long-time Virginia Tech Fan tells another buddy of mine, a long-time UVA fan ”opening day, USC will beat you guys by 6 touchdowns.” “SIX!?” I say. My UVA fan pal says, ”are you going to give me 6 touchdowns?!?” My clearly buzzed pal says “Hell, I’ll give you 42 and a half! What’s the bet?” UVA pal says “One dollar.”
3:58pm – 42 and half might have been a sucker bet.
4:00pm – Rey Maualuga, Mark Sanchez and Clay Matthews are going to be playing on Sundays, and soon. Maualuga roams the field and stalks RB’s, TE’s, lead blockers like he’s enjoying the warp-speed collisions he’s inducing. Watching him on the sideline after the game was well-in-hand, he looked like he was a little sour that he wasn’t still in there cracking heads. Can anyone say “Butkus?” USC by 45 in a whitewash. Enjoy that dollar!
7:30pm – Dinner!! Woot! Hey!…where’s my quesadilla? “Outside with the yard work.”, she says. Even the dog looks at me while he’s eating his milk bone and I can tell he’s thinking…”if this fool reaches for my milk bone…I’m biting his lazy, no good, no yard-work doing arse.”
7:35pm – Yeah, can I get some fire sauce with that? “Thank you, drive through.”
8:00pm – Alabama/Clemson!! Clemson is ranked #9 and the Tide a mere #24. What gives? Alabama has a talented senior QB, a stout defense (even if they are young) and a good running game. Why are they so far down the list?
8:35pm – They don’t know either…The Tide is showing Clemson the definition of underrated.
9:05pm – It’s out of hand. John Parker-Wilson is putting on a clinic of how to manage a game without having to be the star. I don’t think he will have the physical gifts to be playing on Sunday, but he’s a heck of a QB. Stash this one away as well, Clemson’s CJ Spiller is going to be wearing the NFL shield soon, also. His 96 yard kickoff return is about as phenomenal a college play as you’ll ever see.
9:30pm - Re-run of Dazed and Confused….”Alright, alright, alright! That’s why I love those high-school girls..” Seriously, has there ever been a movie character cooler than Wooderson? The couch is heaven.
11:00pm – Dreams of the gazzelle-like, wildabeast falling in the draft to my favorite team.
11:05pm - The dog…licking my face. Apparently, I’m on his bed.
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